If you want to stop exploding on your loved ones...

 

You must gain control of your inner dialogue

 

And stop the ruminating thoughts

 

Especially the ones that begin with…

 

She is trying to control me! Or he doesn’t respect me. He expects me to pick up after him.

 

The thought “she is trying to control me” would lead to surges of rage within me!

 

No one controls me.

 

The irony is that control freaks have a real problem with being controlled. 

 

Our ego is not ok with being controlled. 

 

We want autonomy and freedom to be and do as we wish. 

 

When freedom is seemingly taken away… we revolt! 

 

or we resign now and explode later. :)

 

 

If you want to keep the peace…

 

You have to let go of the story that someone is trying to control you.

 

I can hear you now… “but he/she IS controlling!”

 

Hear me out…

 

The truth is, if it’s someone who loves you like your parent or partner

 

Their intention is likely not to control but to protect you…

 

from something they fear happening to you.

 

In other words… they are “controlling” you because they love you.

 

When my mother dictates how I should do something,

 

She is showing me a “better” way. It’s her way of loving me. 

 

The intention is not to control but rather to help me do things better.

 

From her perspective… she has figured out the best way to do things.

 

She only says something because she cares.

 

When we shift our perspective to theirs…

 

When you keep your attention on their intention…

 

and acknowledge that the true intention is to love…

 

Or to protect (from whatever they fear… loosing you)

 

Then you can proceed with love instead of anger. 

 

You can declare your needs.. to be allowed the freedom of choice…

 

From a loving kind place instead of an uproar of emotional spewing.

 

You can say “thank you for loving me so much. 

 

I hear you and I appreciate your guidance.

 

Please trust that I am capable of making a good decision. 

 

Please allow me to choose what makes me happy.”

 

Can you see how that would de-escalate the issue instead of fuel a battle of egos? 

 

Shift to appreciation of their love and you won’t feel controlled.

 

And you’ll respond with love. 

 

And better yet… over time, they will too.

 

If you need more help with staying patient… Trigger Ridder Training is a must!

 

I have been living with my Mother for 3 months now and we rarely fight. I would not have lasted 3 days without a major blowout prior to the clicker. It saved me… us. I decided how I wanted to show up… with patience and kindness no matter what she threw at me. After a few days of my clicker technique I was in complete control.

 

Sure I still feel some rage rise within sometimes but I am able to witness the emotions arising from the negative inner dialogue and shift both before they grow into an explosion. I stay peaceful and kind with my mother now. It feels amazing… For both of us! 

 

Check out The Clicker Club for additional trainings on getting present, confident, abundant, and healthy!

 

Love, 

Dr. Nikki

 

Important point: you only need to hold the clicker for a few days. Your subconscious learns quickly. Once you get in the habit of catching your thoughts and coming back to present moment awareness, you can do it without the clicker in hand. When you feel you are off track and need some guidance again… you can always pick up the clicker for an hour or two and the effects will be immediate.